Meet the Band
Count Vocalis “Rattle” Ribald
(Lead Vocals – spine‑shivering pipes)
Not all skeletons whisper from the shadows—some take the mic and scream into the void. Count Vocalis “Rattle” Ribald clawed his way out of a forgotten crypt and straight onto center stage, bringing with him the voice of a thousand-year hangover and a flair for the dramatic.
Rumor has it he once sang so hard during a full moon that nearby graveyards echoed for days. Others say he gargles with hot sauce before every show to keep his vocal cords “crispy.”
Offer him a clove cigarette and a cold espresso and he might just serenade you with a ballad that’ll raise your ancestors.
Bon “E” Phish
(guitar/vocals – bone deaf)
Like most guitarists, Bon learned to play the guitar to impress the girls. Turns out even that couldn’t overcome his really bad personality. He is believed to be one of the most sought-after musicians in the area due to the fact that he owes a lot of people money.
Offer to buy him a shot of bourbon, and you, too, can have the honor of being his number one best friend!
“Who’s drinking with ‘E’?”
Phred “Big Bones” McAllister
(4 String Racket Maker/Vocals)
Phred was found thumping on a knacker in the alley for knicking his dole money. When we saw him we said, “Heya Bones, why don’t you thump on a washtub bass instead of that poor sod?”
Phred, being no shaper, said “I’m not going to make no scene with that single string racket-maker. Give me four strings and I’ll show you how to crack the concrete.” After some convincing, and a round of Dewar’s, he agreed to join the band.
Gawtellpuss, now we can’t get rid of him. Here’s to our sanity and our good name.
“Sláinte”
Skelerucci
(Stacks and Stacks of Keyboards)
Meet our keyboard wizard, Skelerucci! Born with fingers of fury and a penchant for tickling ivories, he’s the maestro behind our melodies and the architect of our musical madness. When not seducing keys, you’ll find him locked in an eternal battle with the CAPS LOCK key or trying to convince the drummer that ‘more cowbell’ isn’t always the answer. Beware: his keyboard skills are known to induce involuntary head-bobbing and spontaneous air-piano performances. Approach with caution or risk getting caught in a whirlwind of jazz hands and synth solos!
“It don’t mean a thing, if it ain’t got keys!”
Jon Bone-m
(Drums)
Raised on the farm, this guy is not afraid to dig in and get dirty. Like a good combine cutting the grooves, he’ll get your toes tapping and your feet moving on the dance floor.
But don’t think his beat stops there; Jon Bone-m is a master of debate, as well. Trained to read between the lines and decipher the small print, he can find a rhythm that causes the most stoic magistrate to dance and weave.
We didn’t even try to keep him out of the band; it wouldn’t hold up in court.
“Hey judge, if you’re going to bang that gavel, do it on the two and four!”
Dead Ear
(Sound)
Starting out as a Paranormal Ghost Chaser, Dead Ear needed to buy a lot of weird technology. Not getting a lot of calls for using that technology he thought he’d search for dead soul on his own. What better place to look for the walking dead then a rock band?!
“Sure, one more take, THEN can I go home?”
R. G. Bones
(Lights)
We walked into the closet one day to practice, yes, a skeleton must practice, and saw this weird glow in the corner. When we walked up, R. G. B. was sitting there holding just a dim, glowing light bulb surrounded by smoke and bubbles. What was even more weird was that there was no power going to the light bulb, and we could not figure out where the smoke and bubbles were coming from. We figured if he could do this with one bulb without power, no smoke and bubble machines, imagine what he could do with a stage full of lights with power and smoke and bubble machines.